grades

I’ve come to realize that grades are a dangerous thing. That is, if like me, you use grades to scale your overall self worth. Very bad, yes, I realize this. However, it’s very hard to put a clear distinction between the two at times when grades are the only thing that matter when you set expectations for yourself as high as mine.

Slowly, over the years, I’ve accepted that perfection—regarding grades for myself—is impossible, and that grades are a simple method used to put a letter or number on the work given, disregarding the personal struggles—or any emotion at all really— put into it. But there’s always a lurking feeling of anger, or maybe hopelessness, when an assignment is given a grade that is just unfair when real life factors are considered. I can almost hear grades mocking me sometimes, “I know you tried and struggled and wasted four hours of your ever fleeting precious time on me—but this is all ya get.” Cool.

Grades essentially label people’s level of intelligence and understanding right? So when I get a bad grade, does that mean I’m stupid, or don’t understand? And if I don’t understand something, does that mean I’m a failure? Must I understand everything to receive a perfect grade? If school is for learning, why is our understanding of something labeled so intensely and without remorse? What if I do understand something and I was just unable to put in my best effort? The school system isn’t going to work for everyone, so why do I take the fall for it when I could possibly compete on the same level as the “smart kids”. Are the people compatible with the school system the only ones allowed to succeed to their fullest potential?